Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Stay at home Mom

Today I had to turn a huge decision into actuality. I am officially of the "Stay at Home Mom" occupation. 

It's been something I've always joked around about saying, "where can I apply for stay at home Mom/trophy wife" but I never actually thought it could be an option. Nor was I necessarily dead set and serious about not having a typical leave the house type of job. I mean this is what I know  I've had a job since I was 13 and not having one wasn't an option with all the bills I have. I was raised to understand that if you like nice things, want to have a car, go to school, and go on vacations then you need to work for it. I've always been very independent in this sense and its something I pride myself on. Which is why this was such a tough decision. 

I've been at my current job for a little over 5 years. I worked hard and was promoted to a manager position about 2 years ago in which I have 18 direct reports and I've more than doubled my salary since I've been there.  I really love the people I work with but lately have been having a hard time with where i feel the company is headed and the overall morale. Add a hour and a half commute time to both ends of a typically 10 hour day or unpaid on call monotonous weekend work and the enjoyment factor of your job starts to get heavily out weighed. But I still stuck it out in hopes that things would turn around and go back to the company I loved working at. 

Back when I was 5-6 months pregnant and it was time to look at daycares my husband wasn't interested in looking at them. He said "pick your top two and we will talk about it". Living in the city I can't say there was any that I liked in my immediate area that I wouldn't have to go an additional 20 minutes out of my way for. So I moved on to some of the daycares surrounding my work and also some I pass along the way. Of course the  suburb daycares were immaculate looking and big and flashy but they are also veryyyy expensive, especially for full time. My mom offered one day a week but I'd still have to pay full time rates for 4 days anywhere I looked. When I came back to my husband with the pricing of my top two he brought up the idea of me not going back. I laughed because I thought he was just messing with me but then he continued on about how he would feel better knowing she's in good hands. I said I'd have to think about it and lay out all my monthly bills and see if it was something he could handle on his own. Just to add to my self doubt I was offered a promotion to be the manager of both branches with an added tier below me.  

After much debate on whether or not we could afford it and could I really give up my independence and such a great opportunity like that Sophie was born. The very first day spent with her I knew the decision would be easier. How could I not want to spend my days teaching this beautiful little girl and watching her grow. Getting up the courage to make the call was extremely hard and once it was said I felt like a weight was lifted and I've moved on into what I was born to do. I loved my job, I loved having authority, I loved knowing that all my hard work had paid off and got me to where I needed to be. I was making a salary that some men don't make although I was told I would never have a salary comparative to any man and to just get used to it. But I have never been more happy then I have been these last 2 months. Sleep deprivation, cluster feeding, dirty diaper duty, and working on  an infant that refuses to be put down but I wouldn't want it any other way. I love my husband for pushing me to do this and for supporting me in all I do. He's my biggest fan and encourages me to show my creative side and get back to the entrepreneur side of me that has always wanted to get myself out there and show what I can do. 

Life is often complicated by the trivial things. In the end if you do what makes you happy and find someone that makes you happy then you have it all.  There will always be someone there to judge you, no matter what you do. So why not do what you love and own the shit out of it. 

The next few months could be life changing for me and I can't wait to start exploring my creative side again while having the worlds most adorable assistant and muse. 💗